For Christian Mommies Who Are Wives

For Christian Mommies Who Are Wives


We always feed our children.

If we are sick, exhausted, seemingly unappreciated, etc.- we feed them.

We feed them because we are their moms and that’s what moms do.

How about our husbands?

We meet their needs because we are wives and that’s what mature, responsible, godly wives do.

Paul commands,

“Don't deprive one another, unless it is by consent for a season, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer, and may be together again, that Satan doesn't tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” 1 Corinthians 7:5

Of course we don’t want our husbands to have to face unnecessary temptation- like the temptation towards grumpiness resulting from unmet needs.

On Facebook someone was vulnerable about how loving her kids seemed so natural but caring for her husband seemed to require more effort.

Maybe we have more expectations of our husbands?

Do we think thoughts like, “If he meets my affection needs- giving verbal love, eye contact, smiles, and more, then I will help him…”

Do we harbor resentment, unforgiveness, bitterness, and other unlovely, sinful attitudes?

I have been the sexually lazy, selfish wife. That is a foolish way to live. I have also been the good spouse, the one who makes sure we “Do the truth" and act in line with our identities as spouses.

Sometimes you hear about women who are involved in active ministry, homeschooling their kids, serving at church, blessing their community, and then, then the unthinkable happens. You wonder- was the husband neglected? Is that why it happened? It’s not politically correct to place responsibility on the wife- but in our hearts we know that our actions affect our husbands profoundly.

Naomi told Ruth in Ruth 3:3

”Therefore wash yourself, anoint yourself, get dressed, and go down to the threshing floor; but don’t make yourself known to the man until he has finished eating and drinking.”

Ruth was obedient to Naomi’s advice about being proactive. She anointed herself. Do you?

But aren’t things like lipstick superficial and worldly? Do husbands really need that sort of stuff? It's true that 1 Peter 3 says that inner beauty is most important.

We honor our husbands by accommodating their tastes, preparing ourselves specifically for the one with whom we are one.

Really it relates to respect. Pride keeps us from humbly, gently serving the husband God has given to lead us and our children. And children need their fathers- fathers who are appreciated and esteemed!

Women, especially western women, more readily understand love than respect.

A book that I read early in marriage was Love and Respect. This opened my eyes to my husband’s deep need for respect.

Maybe you disagree. Maybe you’re afraid that your husband will respect you less if you respect him more. You know what Scripture says (Ephesians 5).  Trust and obey and see what happens. Pray for your husband.

This post is written with the understanding that your imperfect man is trying to grow in his relationship with the Lord. I want to include a disclaimer that this is not intended to instruct marriages in which there are large, destructive strongholds of sin.

In summary, be confident, be committed, and prioritize caring for your husband in ways that you are uniquely called and commanded to do.

It’s a godly way to fight for the wholeness of your family.